Christmas Projects!

Musings of a Writer..

The other day someone told me that they loved reading my blog but that I was very angst sometimes. Honestly I just took it as a compliment because I didn’t know what that word meant. So I looked it up. It is a word for fear or anxiety; used to describe an intense feeling of apprehension, anxiety or inner turmoil.

Maybe that wasn’t the right term to be used. But then I started thinking.

Are writers prone to angst? Or are angst-ridden people prone to writing?

I wonder, if all those years when I was a little kid, scribbling in my pink and purple lock-and-key diaries, filling up pages of notebook paper, it was because, even then, I was driven by the need to vent?

Even at that young age, I thought about Stuff. I worried. I pondered Life.

It seems some brains never shut down.

(I can relate.)

My mind is never quiet.

And it is usually when I am in A Place...some weird place I can get in...either surrounded by plans or dreams or worries or fears or all of these, that I feel the urgency to write most. Even when I don't write (as has been the case on this blog lately), I am constantly composing in my head. The sentences are formed, the words swirl around, all in an attempt to make sense of it all: whatever is in there, currently, in my head.

Perhaps it is like a defense mechanism: the words are my safety net that catch the thoughts that threaten to drown me. They give me the very false feeling that I am in control. Of something. Of anything. At the very least (or the very most?) of myself.

And so I wonder: is it the writer in me that over thinks everything? Or is it the thinker in me that has to write? Hmm…

My Pause Button...

I like to blog. I really do. I have to admit that when I was a stay at home mom I spent a considerable amount of time pouring into my posts. It is harder now that I am back at work. Every day when I get home all I want to do is play with my babies! I wish I could just be home with them. I felt like a new mother then... just sleeping late, blogging about their activities and being the one who nurtured them constantly. One thing that makes it so hard not being with them all day is that when I finally get home to them it is time to cook and clean and start planning and preparing for the next day... that is if Im not working in the evening or overnight. As a result I feel like my attention is too aften drawn away for my two little loves. Madileigh watches a lot of movies and Mickey Mouse on some days and Easton is playing more and doing more on his own every day! It makes me not even want to cook just so I can completely soak them up. I highly dislike feeling like a failure on the domestic front when they don't get enough of my time!

Then, I stumbled on the idea that life just needs a pause button.

So I am developing my own ‘pause button’ from the real world for my kids and family. I will have many pauses... probably daily... and these are some instances where my ‘pause button’ will be pushed if I happen to be blogging or preoccupied with something else...

When Madileigh says to me...

“Mommy, Wanna play in Madi room??"

“Mommy, I wanna read book!!”

“Mommy, can I hold you?” (Her way of asking to be picked up!)

When she is sitting in the kitchen with me watching pictures on the computer and says "I wanna go to BiBi house!" or "That MY Nina, Mom!" or "Mom, I see Turnal! (Colonel, Simon's dog at Mom's)"

When I notice that she has been playing alone for a while.

When my daughter asks to watch Toys or Rio or anything on the TV.

When she is being a rascal to her brother.

When she calls out to me “Come on Mom!”

When there’s a great opportunity for family bonding.

When she is singing to her brother!

When Easton starts getting fidgety and Madileigh asks to hold him!

I will pause to give them the much needed attention during these times because I am reminded that these moments will not last. The times when they want me. The times when I am needed as a playmate, a storyteller, a peacekeeper, a confidante, a listener. The times when I can truly be a MOTHER in every sense of the word. For I know these times will pass too soon.

And I want NO REGRETS.

I don’t want to stop blogging either because it has given me an avenue to express my thoughts and feelings. It has allowed me to interact and learn from others I meet online who share the same experiences as a mother. It has given me the much needed me-time.

And my ‘pause button’ will help me to achieve some BALANCE.

Happy Thanksgiving!

At first, honestly I thought it kind of silly to list many things I am thankful for just because it is Thanksgiving. However, I was reading about a lady who almost lost her daughter tell that it is extremely rewarding, even with petty things, to make a list. She said that by writing it out you force yourself to feel grateful and you realize how little everyday things just make life easier for you. So here is my list:

A= I am thankful for Art and the creativity, imagination and individuality it demands.

-I am also thankful for: Antibiotics, Accountability, Animals, fellow Airmen and Almonds.

B= I am thankful for all the many blessings God has given and continues to give me daily.

-I am also thankful for: the Beach, Beauty, Bravery, Being open minded, Brownies, BC powder, my Brothers, Books, Backups, Birthdays, and Budgets.

C= I am thankful for my Children. God saw me fit to be the mother of these two beautiful, crazy, loud, silly, wonderfully perfect children. They put up with a lot with me as their mother and they never cease to amaze me. They are little pieces of our world that just seem to hold everything in place when it feels like it could completely fall apart and I love them with everything in me...To the moon, around it twice and back!!! 

-I am also thankful for: Crawfish, a free Country, Cartoons, Chocolate, Colors, Clumsiness, Chick flicks, Concerts, Curls, Classic Country music, Cameras, Cures, Christmas music, Courage, Changes, Coupons, Common sense, Concealer, Cameron (Because she is making my little brother happy), Compliments and Coffee.

D= I am thankful for devotion and time that we can freely spend alone talking to God. Its amazing how much lighter you feel when you truly allow God to take control and hold on to your burdens.

-I am also thankful for: Disney world, Daughters, Daddy’s, Diamonds, Directions, Dreams, Dish washer, Date nights, Dictionaries and Disposable Diapers.

E= I am thankful for Easton. He is my little bread and butter! God certainly stretched my whole heart when this lil feller was born and I am thankful he is such a mommy’s boy!

-I am also thankful for: Eli, Energy, Enfamil AR (Only formula my son can keep down), Education, Ebooks, Enemies, Earth, Exercise, Electricity and Examples.

  me to know that will always be there! 

F= I am thankful for my Friends. The ones that stayed, the ones that didn’t and the ones that didn’t have to for me to know that they will always be there!

-I am also thankful for: Fireworks, Freedom, Fridays, Family, Firsts, Fun, fairytales, fantasies, faith, Fried Food, Football and Festivals.

G= I am thankful for God. I honestly don't know where I would be without Him guiding my path and chasing me down, turning my shoulders and forgiving me when I try to make my own. He knows my heart even at its worst and He has never left my side. He has mended my aches and has filled my cup with more than my heart can handle!  How great is our God!!

-I am also thankful for: Grayson, Guardian Angels, Grandparents, Grace, God fearing women, Gum, Gossip, Good intentions and Google.

H= I am thankful for my home. It may not be a huge house but in it I have everything I could ask for and that makes it my HOME! It is a roof over my head and a place for me and myhusband to raise our family through laughter and tears and I would not trade it for anything!

-I am also thankful for: Heaven, Holidays, Happiness, Hospitals, Hospitality, Health, Healing, Hot glue guns, Hearing, Hair spray, Helping Hands and Heaters.

I= I am thankful for my In-laws. They have always helped us and given to us and took me right on in without hesitation! They love my babies like I do and I am glad they have them to call grandparents.

-I am also thankful for: “I Love You’s”, Imagination, Individuality, Internet and Indoor plumbing.

J= I am thankful for my husband, Johnny. He is an amazing man and friend and he really does have a big heart. He always puts our children and me first and is the great provider God intended for him to be for us.

-I am also thankful for: my little brother Justin, Jobs, Jellybeans and Jewelry.

K= I am thankful for Karson. He was too perfect for this world. He was taken too early but he touched so many lives in his short time. He changed people and he made me a better parent. 

-I am also thankful for: Karlynn, Kindness and Knowledge.

L=I am thankful for Life and being blessed to see another day

-I am also thankful for: Love, Laughter, Lullabies, Luck, Laws and Love stories.

M= I am thankful for Madileigh; Every laugh, every “I love you!”, every fight, her attitude, her sassiness and her randomness! She is my right hand and I honestly cannot imagine my life without her!

-I am also thankful for: My Mother, Memories, Mercy, Marriage, Mexican food, Modern Medicine, Mississippi, Movies, Music and Miracles.

N= I am thankful for my 3 handsome and amazing Nephews and my gorgeous princess Niece.

-I am also thankful for: Good Neighbors and our Nanny Brooke!

O= I am thankful that God allows me to be open minded on many subjects. With a simple prayer request He allows me to make rational decisions and guides me to do what is best for my family.

-I am also thankful for: Opinions, Opposites and Openness.

P= I am thankful for my Parents. They always made sure that we had what we needed, the majority of what we wanted and continue to love us no matter what. 

-I am also thankful for: Prayer, Police, Paint, Pride, Pajamas, Pregnancy,  Pinterest and Pictures.

Q=I am thankful for the Quiet. Sometimes it is necessary to experience silence in order to hear other options with all the crazy voices I have in my head.

R= I am thankful for running. It is time spent alone and for me to better myself abduction clear my head!

-I am also thankful for: Roadtrips, Running, Reality, Respect, Rules, Relaxation, Rest, and Rain.

S= I am thankful for being raised in the south. It is not something you are given to be southern, it is truly by God's grace that you are lucky enough to be born and raised in the bible belt of God's country!

-I am also thankful for: My big brother Simon, Summer, Sunshine, Summertime, Smiling, the South, Sons, Soldiers, Straitners, Strollers, Storage, Snorkeling, Shopping, Snacks, Sharing, Senses, Sacrifice, Sincerity, Stars, Small towns, Sweets, Spare keys and Sunday afternoons.

T= I am thankful for time that I can spend with my family and friends. It is probably the one thing I take for granted the most but I am truly thankful that god has allowed me to enjoy another blessed day!

-I am also thankful for: Teachers, Tylenol, Tailgates, Time, Technology, The Thurman's, and Toilets.

U= I am thankful for the USAF. It is where I got my start, my training, and my discipline. I have grown as a person and in my career and I have met some pretty amazing people that fight for our freedom.

-I am also thankful for: Uniqueness, Umbrellas, Umpires, and Using directions.

V= I am thankful for my Vision even though I sometimes take it for granted. God's glory is all around us in our children, our friends, the colors, the changing seasons and many other ways that God shows us the beauty of His creation.

-I am also thankful for: Val, Veterans, Voting, a good Vocabulary and Verbs.

W= I am thankful for my wealth... Not my monetary wealth but god has given to us and blessed us beyond measure.

-I am also thankful for: Work, Wisdom, Washing machine, Water, Wine, Weekends, Wishes, Woods and the Who Dat Nation!

X= Well my first thought was X-rays (Thank God for those) and a picture of a railroad crossing. So yes, I am thankful for all the crossings that God brings me to and through in this crazy life I call mine.

-I am also thankful for: Xtra gum, Xtra time, Xtra love, Xtra energy, Xtra clothes and Xtra chances.

Y= I am thankful for all my yesterdays that led to my wonderful todays which in turn will bring us to bright tomorrows!


-I am also thankful for: Youtube

Z= zzzzzzz.. I am thankful for sleep and the refreshment it provides! I am also thankful for the grumpiness it erases in infant and toddlers!

-I am also thankful for: Zaxby’s

Honestly, trying to summon everything I’m thankful for, which is a long list and I’m sure I forgot some, but this was too easy. I mean, family, friends, health, wealth, job, love, amazing children…those are a given! But as I started typing this list I felt a sort of out-of-body calm sensation. I was suddenly aware of the calm in my house, and more importantly, the calm inside me. I mean, my life is busy and full of plenty of things that I must juggle and dance delicately around and worry over, and even knowing that, I had the very certain sense that something inside me felt totally calm and anchored.

After sitting in silence and pondering this, I know why. My heart is safe. I KNOW my heart is safe. I have a life where the person next to me values and honest-to-goodness strives to live and provide a fulfilling and happy life for the two most important beings in our world. Our children. That’s a very simple version of things, but from there all the love and thoughtfulness and kindness and support springs forth.

How can I not acknowledge such a wonderful thing? I have so, so many things to be thankful for, and I am, truly. But God has calmed my heart and placed it in safe hands and I know this in my bones. My children are my life and I will live it so that they will have a wonderful life also.

I stop here and let the magnitude of this one gift sink in, overwhelmed by its abundance! So here's to sending you and yours a fantastic wish for a great holiday. I hope you are only surrounded by people you like, eating food you like, having conversations you like, about topics you like.  I am thankful for many, many things 12 months of the year and honestly it was kind of rewarding to lay some of them out and force myself to really be grateful!

“Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth. Worship the LORD with gladness; come before him with joyful songs. Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations.” –Psalm 100

Happy Thanksgiving!  

Madileigh Moments Monday

This is one of my new favorites that we have done!! We had an absolute blast doing it! It was the first time I didn’t do crafts with them one at a time so to speak and Madileigh loved it! She played teacher and helped me so much with Easton! I would hold him and she painted his foot and then she would tell him “Ok Eeson, time to wash it owff!”

Easton even seemed to enjoy himself! He definitely didn’t do good with trying to get his handprints but just doing his feet and thumbs and letting him fist paint was enough for him! Madileigh was such a ham with her coaching Easton on how to paint!

“Eeson you make bee wiff your foot.”

“Good job Eeson!”

“Eeson, you gonna show to DAD!!!!”

“Mom, you make mess.”

“Mom, I can’t use my tumb.”

“Why not baby?”

“Betause EEson bee ated it up.”

Wow. Really???

“Mom, dat tink butterfwy is fwying!!!!”

“Mom. Eeson got paint on floor. Not Madi.” RRRIIIGGGGHHHTT!!!!

I would say today was a very fun filled day off! We have played and played and played!! One of my favorites is when we play chase… around the island in the kitchen… the majority of the time it is me and Madi against Daddy! All we do is run… and run… and run and wait for Daddy to pop out of random places to scare us so we can scream and run faster and hide somewhere! Well tonight it got pretty intense! 

One of the times Johnny jumped out it really did scare us so bad that we kept running into each other all the way down the hall because neither of us could catch our footing until we both just laid down laughing hysterically. Then another time we narrowly escaped into the bathroom and Madi slammed the door! When she did she put her back to it and was breathing heavy and looked at me serious as a heart attack and said “Mom. That was too close.” HA HA Wow.

My children are an amazing blessing and I pray that these memories and good times will last always always.

Feta Shrimp Pasta

This is definitely a new family favorite!! It is very easy to make too! 

You will need:

-1/4 cup olive oil (I also used it to cook down my shrimp)

-2 garlic cloves, crushed

-6 roma tomatoes, cut in strips

-1/2 cup Greek black olives (I don't use these but its in the recipe)

-1 (16 oz) pack of fettucine

-2 lbs shrimp, cooked (I cook mine using curry powder)

-8 oz feta cheese, crumbled

-1/2 cup basil (I used the basil in a spice bottle and only used about 1/4 cup)

-1/4 cup parmesan (I added extra on top) 

-In one pan: 

Saute garlic in olive oil. 

Add the next 2 ingredients and cook that down for about 3 minutes.

Combine the garlic with tomato and olives, keep warm.

-In another pan:

Cook shrimp until done.

Toss feta, basil and parmesan cheese with shrimp. 

Then toss all ingredients together. 

*Cook fettuccine according to directions! 

mmmm! Enjoy! 

Madileigh Moment's Monday!

Charming:

She is just too darn clever. She has gotten real good at turning on the charm when she gets in trouble too! Her new thing is that every time she gets in trouble, unless it’s a spanking to which always breaks her heart into a million pieces and causes her to cry for hours, she just smiles a real cheesy smile and says “Mommy, Tickle tickle!!!” and starts trying to tickle and love on me! Rotten. You cant help but smile when she does it. I lose. She knows it and I know it. Crap.

Puppy Love:

She loves to play 'Puppy Dog' now! I know that she gets it from daycare because some mornings when I drop her off the kids are already playing! On those mornings she always washes her hands real fast and then I get my kiss and she is gone on all fours barking away with the rest of them! Well at home she like to do it too! She barks and growls and runs around in circles like she is chasing her tail! (Again something she picked up from daycare, I think one of the kids has a really weird dog!) But anyway tonight she was playing dog on her way to go lay down with her daddy! I was rocking Easton and I said "Night Night puppy princess! Can I have some Puppy love??" She just smiled really big, obviously excited that I was acknowledging her animal state, trotted over to me on all fours and LICKED me in the face, LICKED my leg and then barked at me. REALLY??? I think she is taking it a bit far!!


RANDOM:

I was laying down with Madileigh to try to get her to take a nap… She jumped real fast and pulled my ear and said “Mommy you dot SPIDERS in your eeeeeeaaarrr!!” I played. “WHAT!! How did spiders get in my ears??” “You must be bad to eated them.” Hmmmm. Not real sure how she figures your stomach leads to your ears but I better improve my hygiene!! 

"Sleep like a baby..."

I cant stand when people use the phrase 'sleep like a baby'. This just bothers me. For anyone who doesn't have children let me just inform you that babies wake up. A lot. All through the night. And guess what? That means you wake up. A lot. All through the night. Sleep like a toddler maybe? You know one that sleeps through the night and wakes up all happy! But if you are like me, any little sound makes you jump up to check that they are still breathing. So by all means let me know what it means to 'sleep like a baby'!

Last night made me despise the phrase even more. Let me tell you how my 'sleepin like a baby' goes:

When I got home from work the house was pretty much shut down and the kids ready for bed (love our new nanny) so I got a bath and we were all asleep by 10. (Easton was out at 8:30.. he refuses to be on my schedule, such a rebel.) Perfect. I wake up around 11:30 to feed the little man. But now he wants to play. So we talk (struggling not to fall asleep) until he is ready to finish his bottle and knock out again. Finally. (12:30 ish) back to sleep. Here we go... Its about 3 something and here she goes. She has been waking regularly (again) probably having nightmares about bats or cows or something. Or maybe she just hasn't slept good these past couple of nights because she likes to snuggle with her daddy! Anyway, I comfort her and we pull quilts around our chins. (3:30) back to sleep. But wait.. No Im not because Easton has post nasal drip and is having a hard time breathing. So I spend 30 minutes trying to refill the humidifier, put saline drops in his nose and suck out the snot! I put him on my chest and start to sing. We drift. I only realize I've fallen asleep when Madi gets up again an hour later and interrupts a dream. She talks for a minute in her sleep and then curls up to us and fits her little head right in under my chin. (Picture this now. Half sitting up holding Easton and snuggling Madi). Real comfortable right? Sleep drags like a tugboat.

..... CRAP .....

She starts retching, shielding her mouth with her small hands. I quickly get Easton back to his crib careful not to wake him and then I'm back at her side. The capacity of the parental body to go from 0 to 60 on the adrenalin-o-meter (even and especially from a desperate fog of sleep) is both a blessing and a curse. However, it is the reason my quilt is snotty flem free this fair morning. It is also the reason I can hardly sleep without earplugs, because my poor body has been conditioned to flood with adrenalin at the slightest bump in the night.

Success. We clear the bed of all the items that require heavy washing or dry cleaning if spewed upon, and make it to the bathroom! Whew. I don't know what it is about the Snot Fairy visiting my kids at night. They are perfectly fine in the day and at night they can't breathe and hack up snotty flem. Ugh. "I wanna brush teeeef" Perfect. My little hygienist! We brush her teeth and finally settle back down and she takes up most of the bed. Uncomfortable. Now Easton is ready for his next bottle. The gift of sleep from 4:30 to 6 is a price above rubies right?

Sure wish Johnny was here. 

Now with all that being said, as I am being kicked by a snoring toddler (with a bucket beside us just in case), sitting up wondering if my own nose isn't a little iffy and my head bobs to stay awake while feeding my infant I am reminded of the oh so common phrase "God wouldn't give you anything you can't handle." He gave me these precious monsters of insomnia. He knew they would need me in the night. He knew they would want me to comfort them when they didn't feel good and He knew I would be the one to stay up late and get up early to make sure they were ok. He knew I could do it. He gave me the greatest blessings and responsibility in the world and even when they make me sleep deprived, I still wake up to teach them and play with them and show them the beauty of this world God gave to all of us. We are blessed beyond measure.

 So here we go... Up and eating breakfast and ready to start a fun filled day with no sleep and a swing shift at work... Wish me luck!

RESPECT those who fight!!!

This has always been one of my favorites. I have heard so many people say that sometimes coming home is the hardest part. Crazy right?? 


When a soldier comes home, he/she finds it hard.... 


...to listen to his son whine about being bored. 


...to keep a straight face when people complain about potholes. 


...to be tolerant of people who complain about the hassle of getting ready for work. 


...to be understanding when a co-worker complains about a bad night's sleep. 


...to be silent when people pray to God for a new car. 


...to control his panic when their spouse tells them to drive slower. 


...to be compassionate when a businessman expresses a fear of flying. 


...to keep from laughing when anxious parents say they're afraid to send their kids off to summer camp. 


...to keep from ridiculing someone who complains about hot weather. 


...to control his frustration when a colleague gripes about his coffee being cold. 


...to remain calm when his daughter complains about having to walk the dog. 


...to be civil to people who complain about their jobs. 


...to just walk away when someone says they only get two weeks of vacation a year.


...to be forgiving when someone says how hard it is to have a new baby in the house. 



This Veteran's Day honor them, remember them but most of all RESPECT them! 


Thank a vet today. Many of them have done, seen, and lived in ways you and I will never experience and I am ever grateful for it. 


I am also grateful for winning a beautiful Freedom lottery by being born in the USA.

Stars and Stripes forever.

My reason for the fight!!!