Procrastination at its Best!

Last week I saw this quote circulating on Facebook.

The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.

– Steven Furtick

So true.

Yesterday was a difficult day.  It was one of those days where Madileigh woke up in the best mood ever and then for about 4 hours until her daddy got home she just outright refused to listen or follow directions.  When I asked her to put on her shoes, she threw them across the room.  If I asked her not to touch something, she grabbed it and ran.  She jumped on her brother (who for some reason seems to loves this type of attention) after being told to be gentle more times than I can count.  No amount of warnings or timeouts would make her change her behavior.  By 4pm, my “scary mommy eyes” were out and I was yelling.  I’m not proud of it, but I had snapped.  I hate yelling, but lately it’s the only way Madileigh will even semi-pay attention.  In essence, I was throwing my own little tantrum, which got us nowhere.


Then today it wasn't much better. Val and the kids came over and of course Madileigh and Grayson were on a tear. Then I saw her literally jerk his head back by his hair. She knows this hurts because she freaks out to the point of losing all self control if Easton so much as tugs her hair a little bit. Upon her punishment she did as she has been for last couple of weeks and went in her room and locked the door. 

After I finally got the kids to take a nap, I thought about how I should have handled the day differently yesterday. Today I spanked her when she pulled Grayson's hair like that and it was effective because she was more embarrassed than anything. But yesterday, I was embarrassed at how my behind-the-scenes self had acted.  I began to think about my friends who appear to have so much patience with their kids and how they would have handled it, but I quickly realized that I was comparing myself to their highlight reel, and the more I thought about it, that isn’t fair to me no matter how badly I may have acted.  I was comparing my behavior to the times that I have actually seen them interact with their kids, which is far from the full picture.  In reality, who knows how their behind-the-scenes self would have handled it, I only know their highlight reel.  Or, at least, that’s what comes to mind when I think of them.

I feel that often I look for the fun and entertaining side in motherhood, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it becomes a problem when I skip writing about topics because I can’t find a funny or entertaining side.  It didn’t start out that way, but I feel like that’s what happened over the past couple months when I sit down to write a blog post.  The truth is, sometimes motherhood (or parenthood) just isn’t funny or entertaining.  Sometimes it’s just hard.  Yesterday was one of those hard days.  I don’t want this blog to be a sugar-coated version of motherhood, I want it to be real.  And the reality is, there will be times where you think you handled a situation poorly and will want a do-over, but all you can do is go to sleep that night and promise to make the next day better.

The antics yesterday would definitely not make my highlight reel, but I know that I have a highlight reel.  There are times when I have loads of patience, my toddler is well-behaved, and I look like I have it all together.  It has happened.  Maybe somewhere, at some point, someone has compared themselves to my highlight reel.  Little does that person know, my behind-the-scenes self has scary mommy eyes and yells to get the attention of her toddler.

So here comes more resolutions - (Procrastination at its best!) 

-Stop focusing on everyone else’s highlight reel and focus on my own behind-the-scenes parenting self.  I really need to keep the scary mommy eyes and raised voice in check.  Avoiding everyone else’s highlight reel will be nearly impossible hard, but I need to make the attempt.

-Occasionally blog about the rough parts of motherhood, which means not skipping over a topic that isn’t funny or entertaining.  Perhaps I can use this blog as a way to find support and suggestions from time to time! 

So there you go, from someone who likes to procrastinate – not one, but two New Years resolutions, 27 days late.